Do painful words make us cry because they are true?

/Do painful words make us cry because they are true?

Do painful words make us cry because they are true?

I know a woman. She is a wife. She is a mother of grown children.

She stayed home to raise them; now continues to stay home as a homemaker.

She loves and cares for her children deeply. Prays for them A LOT. Is there for them, but not in their lives too much. I don’t know if she was a good mom when they were younger, but it looks like it from the outside looking in.

Her husband works long, hard hours.

One of her children recently got upset with her for stopping at said child and child’s spouse’s workplaces. The woman had never done this before and just wanted to say hi and see where they worked.

This child said she should have known that was not okay. Not only that, but this child said the woman is out of touch with reality and should get a job to relieve the stress on her husband.

She is my friend. I see the hurt and tension this has caused in her life. Those words wounded her. She cried.

She and her husband agree on their setup.

She has struggled often with the very decision of bringing in a regular income or being at home doing everything else a home needs and taking those kinds of burdens off her husband. Her husband really does work hard; 12-15 hours per day, I think. She would like to see his burden lightened. She tells me they discuss it often and, so far, he elects to keep it the way it is.

Do we cry because the words said are true… because that’s what we really think deep inside, too? If not, wouldn’t the words just roll off our backs?

Society is putting unseen pressure on her because it doesn’t agree that something other than money could be important. She says she feels guilty because maybe it looks to others that she won’t get a job and wants him to do all the work. She says she feels the implication from certain family members.

Is she out of touch with reality because she’s not out in the work world every day?? Or is she more in touch with reality, what’s really important?

I say this world is so caught up in money that it doesn’t value someone at home; thinks someone is lazy or “less than” if they don’t work “a real job.”

However, this woman is not lazy.  

Her home is tidied up daily; cleaned weekly. She does all the shopping, bills/budget, prepares the majority of their meals (her husband helps on weekends), handles any phone calls/appointments that need to be made, does all the laundry, keeps things in order, deals with her dog and all it entails, yard work, writes notes to encourage others, handles her mother’s finances, volunteers at her church, helps her neighbor with 3 small children, exercises daily, has a regular quiet time, cleans a few houses a month, checks on elderly neighbors, attends a weekly Bible study, and participates in clinical research several times a year to supplement income. There may be more; this is what I know of her.

She has chosen to be a homemaker and, thus, be available to help others. She takes to heart keeping a home, good stewardship, and serving others.

I would like to be more like her.  

This is obviously a different type of post for me.

I see two lessons here.

  1. We judge people too easily. We don’t know what they are going through.
  2.  Words can build up or tear down quickly and can never be taken back.

#1. This reminds me of a Sawyer Brown song, They Don’t Understand. Enough said. These words sum it up perfectly. Here is just one verse of the song:

A mother, riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling, kicking up a fuss
Everybody’s staring, not knowing
What she’s going through
Somebody said, “Don’t you even care
Do you let ’em do that everywhere?”
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said, “Please forgive them
But they’ve been up all night
Their father struggled
But he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven in the middle of the night
So please forgive my children.”

#2. Haven’t we all said things we wish we hadn’t? If we could feel the remorse now that we’re probably going to feel later, maybe even years later, after those words are said, we might utter fewer hurtful things.

I pray we all stop and think before we speak.  The simple idea of “I don’t have to say everything I’m thinking” has helped me in recent years to keep my mouth shut more often. Whew! That’s hard, isn’t it?

My Bible footnotes say “every person you meet today is either a demolition site or a construction opportunity.”

“Your words will make a difference.”

“Will they be weapons for destruction or tools for construction?”  These words convicted me when my oldest child was a teenager.

Will your words be the cause of someone’s crying eyes?

I told this woman I would write this post to ask you your thoughts. It’s a tender subject. So, what do you think?

  • Do words hit us harder and make us cry when there’s some truth to them?
  • Does not working outside the home make a person out of touch with reality?

I know she would appreciate any feedback. Thanks for listening.

Exotic flower seen at botanical gardens

Next post, I will finish up with our San Diego adventure and Calie’s last event. Did she win? Come find out!  🙂

Be sure to leave a comment below on your thoughts. It would be helpful if you’d share this post, also. Thanks.

Until we meet again,

May there be blessings, blooms, and fewer tears for you!

Pam

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Black and Blue Salvia

Author: Pam

Glad you’re here!

By |2018-03-02T07:57:53+00:00March 2nd, 2018|Encouragement, Family|2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Jana Derry March 2, 2018 at 3:58 pm - Reply

    Words are hurtful. But more than that, judgement or even judging eyes from the ones you love are hard…sometimes just as difficult as those painful things they say. I think your friend should not be made to feel inadequate for the decisions her and her husband have chose to live by.
    Right now…I am a stay at home mom of two boys. I get a lot of judgements from a few of my friends…asking what do I do all day? Or saying it mist be nice.
    My situation didn’t happen as I expected. But this is now my life and trust me, I don’t sit around watching tv laying in bed all day long.
    Women get judged and ridiculed enough the way it is…we don’t need our family and friends jumping on that bandwagon, feeding that negativity.
    Back in the 40’s we were shunned and judged if we, as women, worked outside of the home. Now we are judged because we DO want to provide the best home life for our spouses or children!??
    I too have had those hurtful comments from onlookers and snap judgements about why I don’t have more done in my day…since ALL I do is stay home.
    But let me tell you, if they spent a day in my shoes I could show those people that my family and I are happy and thriving as a cohesive team unit. We are proud, loving and happy. Sure, money can be tight at times…but that was our choice as a family. And we still make it all work.
    Tell your friend that I’m sorry more people…especially her own children are reacting that way to her. One day, they will be so sorry, and hopefully they realize that before it’s too late to say anything at all.
    ❤️ And hugs to her and anyone else bullied like this. I’m sure it hurt way worse coming from her own family. Her feelings are important too.

    • handofgrace@gmail.com March 6, 2018 at 10:43 am - Reply

      Jana, I want to thank you for leaving your comments. I passed them on to my friend. They were much appreciated!! I found it interesting that you used the term “bullied”, I never thought about it that way. Thanks again and have a blessed day.

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